A Dozen travel tips, learned the hard way

A few tips for the world weary expert and the egger beginning alike:

1. Be Prepared – a motto for more than scouts and condoms. Sun Tzu once said something about a journey of a thousand li and and some carts and stuff, it all sounded very profound so he put it in a book called “the Art of War” and sold millions of copies. What he was prattling on about was the importance of PROVISIONS. Whether you are setting off on a walk, invading a foreign country, hanging around an airport, or just staying in for the night, with a little forethought it can be a big success. Buy up when you’re in big (cheep) towns. Yes ok there is the problem of weight (makes you strong) but just 1kg of bred some apples maybe an avocado or a tomato or two and a bottle of water can save you from starvation, extortion, and boredom – and has done all 3 for me many a time. Alcohol is possibly the most important provision! A small (half to two) litre cask or a bottle shoved in the bottom of your pack is a great way to find entertainment where there might be none. It has 3 great uses: 1 – it staves of cold, boredom, and fatigue as it helps you sleep even around snorers 2 – It’s a great way to meet friends and be social, There’s a big fat line between sitting around a table doing nothing and drinking together, if you like the company offer them something 3 – it can be Ridiculously cheaper than buying something in whatever backwater you’re in. As my old drill sergeant would say “Always remember the 6 Ps: Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performances” At least i feel he would say this if i had one... and probably add “if not at least have some grog at hand”
2. Always carry toilet paper! You would be surprised how many places won’t have it. Reasons include cost, religion (clearly god hates clean bottoms, that’s why he created babies), hygiene (apparently), to plumbing all combine to mean that western luxuries like toilet paper are a self-catering necessity. Even toilets where you pay up to 80c to get in will have toilet paper only at the door, and you have to take an ‘appropriate’ amount with you to the stall. A mistake only made once.
3. Always carry around some spare cash when heading outside of big cities, Local currency, US dollars and Euros are good too. You only have to be stuck in one out of the way town with a broken ATM wondering if you should eat, go to the observatory, or sleep on a matress to realise this is very good idea.
4. Drink Local, Act Global. There’s nothing wrong with being a tourist, and sometimes it’s useful. Local drinks and local dishes are an important part of travelling, and so is having a good time. There is a cost, and generally this is EITHER financial (top notch touristy places) or health and wellbeing related (dodgy street food, seedy pubs), but both are worth it, fine food and “cultural” experiences are their own reward. Sometimes this can get you into some trouble but a few sufficiently badly pronounced phrases (fake it if in an English speaking country), and a sincere apology is usually all that is required for anything like a free bus rides, being sick, being lost, insulting someone’s mother, or just about any other ‘accident’ you can think of. Don’t be afraid to experiment, but be prepared for the risks.
5. If you see a map of the city and you don’t have one take a photo of it! Even if you don’t think you need it, you can always delete it later. You can always look at it later on playback, and it is amazing how often this will come in handy later.
6. The eReader is my friend. You can, often unexpectedly, spend hours waiting for things like buses, friends, queuing in line, or just for the waiter. Having a good book to read is great, having 80 good books including the lonely planet, maps, and multi-lingual dictionaries is AWESOME! At 165g i would recommend it to anyone, anywhere, always. (it is also a good conversation starter at bars)
7. WiFi for All. There is wifi everywhere and having a computer or phone that can access this is a great idea. Often you have to pay a good deal of money for slow connections on PCs in a dingy room when a laptop would find a wifi in just about any main square, cafe, or hostel. HOWEVER, think carefully about how much a laptop weighs, 3.5kg may not sound like a lot in the store but it is a monster of a thing to be carting around with one hand everywhere add another kg for the adaptor and a few charging cables and you realise what your carrying. Also battery life of 100min is not a lot when most movies are 125-135min. To people setting out i would suggest a EeePC or similar light weight and up and 11 hours of battery they are very handy when travelling – but get good insurance because unlike my brick they are popular with the undesirables too.
8. The extra few dollars for nice overnight busses (5-10 bucks) are SSSOOO worth it because you can sleep on the bus saving you not only accommodation costs but a day wasted on buses or lying in the hostel recovering from busses.
9. Lemons – they are good. An upset stomach or a loss of appetite can be really annoying as it can sap energy and leave you feeling apathetic. Drugs will generally target the symptoms and so you will ‘crash out’ later. A simple dish of Civiche, or some lemon in hot water, even tea, can be all you need to pick you up. Luckily south america has them in plentiful supply.
10. Buy credit cards in the USA. Lots of things want you to use creditcards in the USA, from hotels to vending machines to petrol stations to WiFi hotspots... don’t feel like paying the $5 fee (for a $2 drink) from OZ credit cards? Simple, buy a credit card at the supermarket. Preloaded with 50 bucks you too can be a cash free plastic fantastic American. Also good for when you want to make discreet purchases... not that sort of purchase boys, i was thinking motels where you want to run off with the towels... not that I would, you understand.
11. Airports are a great place to hang out, watch a movie, or even sleep. Why get a taxi at 2am when you can have wifi and semi comfortable benches to sleep on till morning and then get a bus and check into your hotel, saves you a nights accommodation, the taxi fare, and you get be one of the cool people on the benches. With snow/rain outside, everybody is doing it these days.
12. Don’t write travel tips -they just tell people how many ways you have fucked up on your travels. No one will take your advice cos it’s all fairly common sense stuff that you have heard yourself. Until you actually make the mistake it doesn’t sound so bad... you know if it’s not happening to you, if YOU don’t go hungry. Tips are always stuff like, keep track of your belongings, Double check dates on your booking BEFORE you hit that confirm button, which we all know is a good idea but woops.